World politics and current events have overshadowed an ever-increasing source of stress on diplomatic relations between the United States and England. Physical hostilities are not expected, but experts fear that it is only a matter of time before tensions reach the breaking point with serious consequences.
As recently as Thursday, January 19, 1911, the debate has been raging fiercely over the use of the letters u and k in words such as color (colour) and public (publick). In a letter to the New York Times on that date, one A.G. Baker, citing the preface to Webster’s first edition, admonishes Dr. Funk and refutes his assertion that “nine-tenths of the best speakers and writers was in favor of their retention.”
This rebuke struck a grievous blow to the British, who responded by refusing to refrigerate beer. America countered by strictly enforcing the “drive to the right” law, written and sponsored by the right senator Frank “Roid” Wright to flush out Britons hiding in the United States.
As recently as Thursday, January 19, 1911, the debate has been raging fiercely over the use of the letters u and k in words such as color (colour) and public (publick). In a letter to the New York Times on that date, one A.G. Baker, citing the preface to Webster’s first edition, admonishes Dr. Funk and refutes his assertion that “nine-tenths of the best speakers and writers was in favor of their retention.”
This rebuke struck a grievous blow to the British, who responded by refusing to refrigerate beer. America countered by strictly enforcing the “drive to the right” law, written and sponsored by the right senator Frank “Roid” Wright to flush out Britons hiding in the United States.
The ramifications of these events cannot be understated: this undoubtedly caused the delay of America’s entry into The Great War, allowing the loss of countless French trees and rutabagas to the Germans.
A respite offered hope during the last quarter of the twentieth century and tensions seemed to lessen when one American high school student, Ms Eller, who, speaking to the press under conditions of strict anonymity, offered a peaceful solution: “Why don’t we just use whichever way offers the highest score in Scrabble?” This edict, known as the “Eller Speller” in places as far as Swaziland, was widely accepted for thirty minutes in coffee houses throughout the world, but the end loomed ominously when Starbucks Coffee grew in popularity, causing Americans to suspect that the “Eller Speller” favored the Brits.
In understandable indignation, Ms Eller has now threatened to return from her self-imposed exile and force Americans to say “aluminium” and write “cheques.” Political analysts in America worry that this will spell the end for the bi-partisan system, which in turn would induce widespread public urination among small boys in many Mediterranean countries. Let us hope we can put our differences aside -- it is only a matter of time before Britons and Americans alike shall have to face the musick.
Submitted by James P. Freyczevski, political correspondent for The Slightly Behind the Times Semi-Centennial.
:-p
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Blogspot has confirmed that the previous "Anonymous" comment was from none other than Ms Eller herself!
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