Australia

Hugh Jackman Flexes His Muscles After a Rough Day of Filming

Yesterday I went to see the movie named Australia. Some friends wanted me to let them know how it was before they spent four hundred dollars to take the family to see a movie. Let me start by saying that I am not a movie critic. I did not attend movie critic school, did not get a movie critic degree, and I am not, nor have I ever been, a member of the movie critic party. That said, I can safely write that Australia is one of those movies that I hate myself for liking.

Why the hate? Someone on TV said that this movie was like “Gone with the Wind”, only set in Australia. That person needs to be left stranded in the outback with nothing but a rabid dingo, a bottle of cheap rum, and a copy of Margaret Mitchell's novel. “Australia” is to “Gone with the Wind” as “Scooby-Doo” is to “Call of the Wild”. Had I not heard such a ridiculous comparison I might have been better able to accept the many elements that I found so disagreeable, such as:

The movie is narrated by and revolves around an aboriginal young boy who is so cute and pretty that, just as you cannot say “bomb” in an airport, it’s a federal crime to say, “Michael Jackson” during this movie. Is this a children’s movie? Well, it has the feel of it - at first...

The first half hour or so has so many instances of Nicole Kidman’s character acting appalled/outraged/offended/mortified that you’re not sure if this is supposed to be a comedy - for children.

(Spoiler Warning - some story details from the movie)

Getting back to the children’s movie conspiracy theory, once you're charmed by the child, he comes face to face with a freshly murdered white man, complete with protruding spear tip. Later the child and his mother hide in a water tank and his mother drowns (never mind that the mother had no reason to hide and did not join him on previous such occasions). A friend is shown before, during, and after he is killed by stampeding cattle. But things lighten up considerably when Japan attacks Australia, one woman is killed by bombs, another friend is shot by the Japanese, and the antagonist, who is actually the boy’s father, shoots at the boy with a rifle. There’s more, but why spread too much good cheer around before the holidays? So, while it has elements your child will find enchanting, you might ask if these other scenes are what you want your child to see.

Clichés and the overused plot devices/twists abound like swarms of Japanese airplanes.

Aborigine magic works and doesn’t work according to when it suits the script.

Reality checks bounce. And bounce. And bounce. Examples? A Chinese family cook in a country and time where Asians were prohibited. The Japanese on land can see a very dark aboriginal man running on the beach and take him down with one shot at night, yet they don’t notice the big white sailboat behind him on which everybody else is escaping. A child under Hugh Jackman’s arm mysteriously turns into a rifle, which also disappears and reappears several times. Japanese planes drop bombs on ships and torpedoes over buildings -- probably just continuity/editing gaffs, but this could explain how the Allies beat the Japanese. In fact, the Japanese never landed on any territory during the raid (unless you count the two to four Japanese aircraft shot down), and didn’t use any torpedoes at all.

So, why did I like it? In my defense I can only point my finger at the cast and say, “THEY started it!” Nicole Kidman is lovely. She’s also quite lovely. And then there’s the fact that Nicole Kidman is lovely. Hugh Jackman is engaging and inspires us to work out -- he now looks like he could kick Wolverine’s butt. In fact, if he’s not careful, Hugh Jackman’s accent is going to switch from Australian to Austrian. Most of all, you want these two crazy kids to get together.

There are some other nice touches, such as Bryan Brown, in exile since “Cocktail”, as the not-entirely-bad bad guy and several other cast members that you know from somewhere but you’re not quite sure from what show. Oh! There’s a member of the Fellowship of the Ring, David Wenham! It’s good - they saved a lot of money in “Australia” by using Australian actors. Of course, there’s the terminally cute little boy, Brandon Walters. No painter, no cartoonist, no anime/animation artist could possibly create such an adorable, sympathetic character. Diabetics beware – your sugar levels will skyrocket. Mothers, bring Ritalin.

So, though I felt emotionally manipulated, the audience actually applauded (Do the projectionists take a bow up there in that little booth when people applaud?). Then everyone rushed for the bathrooms – the movie is two and three-quarter hours long.